To: Henrik Ehrsson – Karolinska Institute, Sweden
Dear Professor Ehrsson,
My emotions are the most important thing in my life. Everything else that I think is important to me is mainly important to me because a certain strong emotion of mine is associated with it.
It’s been so long, so long I can think back. Probably it started from the beginning of me. When I, as a spiritual being, was entangled with this tiny body in my mother’s body and thus came into existence. At this moment, I had no idea of nothing at all. I didn’t even know at that time that this body that I perceived, was belonging to me. Even that, I had to learn first.
My emotional experiences helped me a lot during this very early learning. Emotions are always associated with a rudimentary imagination of an UR-Idea. They teached me which of my imaginations about this body were right and which were not. What a great joy it was when I understood that I could consciously wanting to perform a certain movement of this body. I learned that this body did what I really wanted. Gorgeous, I was happy.
Now as an adult, the question arose, who is actually providing my emotions? I personally cannot create them directly, otherwise I could be happy all the time. I can only create good feelings by doing the right thing in life.
Who, outside of me, has the knowledge to understand what is right and what is wrong for me, to make me feel accordingly? But what is the right
thing? It can only be the right thing for the one who is generating my emotions.
Who is that? The idea of a higher power has established itself in all human cultures on earth. I like to name this higher power, the creator of the universe. I have given it the name “Cosmos”, because it becomes so more personal for me and more and more present, the more intensively I deal with my existence.
I find it a very satisfying idea, that I have been connected by emotions with a guiding spirit all my life. He has always hinted to me what
direction I should have taken in life to make me feel good. This idea is also an explanation of many facts of life.
However, at some point in my very young life around two or three, I must have decided falsely, because I have felt to be ignored by my mother. I
felt that she gave too much love to my new born brother and was continuing neglecting me.
I retreated emotionally. What I did not know at this age, that I retreated from experiencing emotions from others towards me. I therefore retreated also from showing emotions. By doing this, I captured myself and I separated myself from life. I emotionally hoped internally, that I could force my mother to spend more attention to me. I waited that she will come and save me from this unhappyness.
I waited almost my entire life that someone will come and save me. My marriage was overloaded with my emotional problem and my inactive
waiting for salvation. I was waiting for experiencing strong emotional closeness without showing my readyness for giving strong emotional
closeness. I wanted to being loved, because I am and because I am entitled to. I wanted to be loved without counterperformance, as any
baby should be loved by its mother.
This did not work as an adult. So it took me about 56 years to overcome this desasterous decision, I made at three. I still was lucky, because
my worldly innocence was always looking for the real good and my intellectual capacity is over average. I was lucky that a strong superwoman showed interest, to spend her life with me. We got married. She is the most powerful person, I have ever met in my life.
She is not the loving and understanding type of a person, I had hoped for. But she is a giant in social intelligence with a strong will and a
strong understanding of the proper social interaction among people. I grew up in a family where social interactions with others were not very
finely structured. I experienced no very good examples of good social interactions during my childhood which led to the fact, that my skills
of social interactions were very limited.
My broad disability of social interactions, caused by my emotional restrictions and the missing examples of good social interactions, were
a permanent field of arguments between my wife and me. With the strength of my wife and my good will to overcome our problems, I got lucky at the age of 58. During a period of a psychological therapy, I got a dream, where an elderly, unknown lady hugged me and spent me the feeling of
being loved and wanted.
>From this moment on, over night, my emotional life has changed drastically. All of a sudden, life was easy. I was able to confront myself with other people, without being afraid to be rejected. It was as if I had found the basic emotional secureness to enable me to live a self-paced life.
How easy could my life have become, if I had not made this retreatment decision at the age of three?
Despite my emotional restrictions to my outside. My inner emotional and intellectual understanding of people activities and my strive for an honorable goal in life, helped me to develop in the right direction. My mental abilities, my economic usable skills and my social interactions constantly improved.
I never gave up the hope for greater closeness. I still strive for it. It could be, that this is normal for every human being, because we all are dissociations (separations) from the creator spirit and therefore we carry within us an urge for closer proximity to this spirit.
It is my imagination, that my Body-Entity creates all my emotions. My body is a commissioner of the creator of the universe, who allows me to
live in that imagined physical universe, I perceive through my restrictive neuron-network.
He taught me to use his body. He guides me on my way through life. He remembers me on time about all my goals, I had established all life
long. I have learned to consciously listen to him. He always tells me on time when the performance of my body is at risk. He does not tell me,
what I need to do to overcome this risk. I have to learn all by myself to understand the functions of my body. It is my job in life to understand.
My body knows exactly why I participate in the universe. It is also our bodies duty to ensure the preservation of human species.
The original uncivilized people had no other way than to listen to their emotions to survive. It came through the so-called civilization and our
wrong understanding of life and god, that too many people are following believes of others, instead of following their own personal emotions.
Even science is sometimes doing an evil work by providing false believes and false truth for an economical benefit.
We all need to learn better to listen to our body and to our emotions. Only an open and truth-oriented society offers the framework conditions
I wish you an open mind.
Send at March 1st, 2020